Well, there goes 2007.

Now is probably the time to wish you all a happy Christmas, since I doubt I’ll get the time to update the blog again before 25th. This is one longish piece, rather than the usual multiple update, as someone complained about the stress of having to wade through 15 separate pieces (you know who you are…). But quite right, too – so here’s the week’s update in one block.

It has been an interesting year, what with one thing and another, and here we are 5,028.14 miles from Bangor (approx.) We have found a house and the bits and pieces required to get by, still have a bit of money in the bank, my knees are hairy again, Naice is Amazon-coloured again, and Ozzie has survived. What more could one ask?

Two things stick out from the last week (apart from my ears). No – three. First of all, we found a humming bird (a big humming bird, too) stuck under the canopy in front of the house. It had flown itself silly trying to get out and was so exhausted it was (barely) hanging on upside down to part of the structure (shades of Monty Python). So I got the ladders out and climbed up to it, and it was so weak it let me carry it down (pic). After holding for a while and trying to give it some water, I’m happy to report that it flew off to the nearest palm tree and is once again doing its rounds of the banana flowers on a regular basis. Isn’t that nice? Oh, and on the subject of wildlife, we now have an entirely new group of monkeys visiting us every day. After detailed reference to our I-Spy book of Brazilian primates, we finally identified them as Monk Saki monkeys (pic). They come as a group of 3 females (brown) and two males (black) and are really quite impressive.

Secondly, I had a mole removed. It was really bugging me and we went off to see the dermatologist. Of course I was fearing the worst and making my funeral preparations etc., but after a quick look, the doc informed me it was nothing to worry about, but it should be removed – and would I like it done now? Uh, well, actually… Anyway, I agreed and was led off to a small room down the corridor, where I was instructed to lie down, injected with something which made my throat numb (somewhat disconcerting when you try to swallow) and scorched with some instrument or other by the quack. In, out, R$300 please. Talk about easy money…

Thirdly, we went to see our friend Charlie play in his blues band Tulipa Negra. The venue was a “genuine Blues bar”. By “genuine”, the owners mean that a) everything in the bar is total junk, including the tables and chairs, and b) substance abuse is de rigeur. But it actually works very well indeed. Between the doped-up bar staff and the strung-out clients, the atmosphere is, well, relaxed (man). The beer is cheap and you don’t need to go through the usual ridiculous charade of queuing to buying a beer token from one inconveniently-placed counter where the staff have no change and then queuing at another equally inconveniently located counter to exchange your token (hell, it’s not even a token – just a piece of paper) for warm beer and a plastic cup. And of course the music was excellent. I was cajoled into singing Black Magic Woman with the band, and I must admit - it was good to be back! They’re after an harmonica player for the band, so I’m practising now and hopefully if I don’t find anything else do to in 2008 at least I can go and get spaced out and play some music on a regular basis.

For Christmas, we’re going across the river to Naice’s parent’s place, where we are in for a quiet day and an early night. And what’s wrong with that, I say. Ozzie will probably accompany us, as he is now feeling better from his tummy bug – see pic of Ozzie recovering in his new bed. Although we’re not buying presents this year, we have in fact got Ozzie a small bone (shhh). Then on New Year’s eve we’re going out with the Cavadini family on a boat trip on an old converted paddle steamer to watch the firework display at the Ponta Negra beach. Meal and beer included; wine and champagne extra. And that’s it for 2007. Roll on 2008.

So let us wish you, your friends and family a very happy Christmas and may 2008 be an excellent year for you. Cheers!

Ozzie

Ozzie has not been well. He got some sort of intestinal infection and started pooing blood all over the place. So it was off to the vet. To cut a long story short, he is now recovering (and here's a photo of he and friend Charlie enjoying themselves last weekend, to prove it...) and becoming his old irritating self once more.

Interestingly, the vet’s solution involved handing us wadges of syringes and needles and asking us to inject him with whatever-it-is every day. For various reasons some of you will be familiar with, I’m no stranger to administering injections, but I do wonder whether this could ever happen in the UK…? Anyway dogs are obviously not as squeamish as us humans, and he was as good as gold. Not so, me: ever since I saw a film where they injected an air bubble into someone to kill them, I spend 10 seconds drawing up 20mls of fluid and then 10 minutes (and about 10mls of fluid) trying to get the air bubbles out of the syringe. Ah well, he survived and is almost back to his old self.

The cause of the problem we have traced to the fertilizer Naice’s mum gave us. Ozzie loves it! Unfortunately, the fertilizer is predominantly chicken crap, which apparently is not good for dogs – so there’s a tip for all you dog-lovers out there. Lay off the chicken shit.

Boo-hisssss...

We had a bit of a to-do with a couple of snakes the other week. In the absence of my I-Spy snake books, and therefore unable to identify the little blighters, I thought I would just shoo them away with a stick (innocent until proved guilty, right?). This was a mistake, I admit. Snakes obviously don’t like being shooed away with sticks (but I had unfortunately left my recorder at Primary School). After a run in with one of them whereby I managed with great difficulty to get myself cornered by the snake (my intentions were quite the contrary, you understand), I managed to flick it out of the way more by luck than judgement, and beat a hasty retreat. Naice then informed me that while I was performing this death-defying feat, the snake’s mate (which I hadn’t noticed) was trying to have a pop at me from behind.

That was the end of my snake-charming efforts, as (quite fortuitously) we had to go across the river to see Naice’s parents). It was only later that day that we had a reasonably positive ID on the little blighters, and were left in no doubt that a) the solution is that you kill them before they kill you; and b) you don’t go at them with a 2ft stick. You beat them over the head with a very looong stick. In short, they’re not very nice at all. Anyway, by the time we got back, they were quite gone - so there we are, I’ve saved another small percentage of the Amazon fauna. Happy days.

Fruit juice and rain

After a bit of a false start, I am assured the wet season is upon us. Too late for a lot of our grass, unfortunately, as the gardener got carried away with the new electric lawnmower we bought and set it so low you could shave with it. Shorn to within an inch (more like a millimetre) of its life, and with no rain for a few weeks, a lot of it has just given up the ghost (where did that expression come from I wonder?).

On the other hand some of the fruit trees (notably papaya – if I never see another papaya it will be too soon) have been tripping over themselves in the rush to produce their remaing fruit, so we’re well stocked with fruit juice.

Alo...?

We have all but spent our meagre savings now, and are casting about for some form of earnings (as well as the guesthouse). This is proving tougher than we thought. I placed an ad (in English) explicitly for "motivated advanced students" and have had at least 20 responses. On the face of it, this is good. Unfortunately they’ve been from complete set of idiots whose knowledge of English is about as advanced as my arse, so most of the conversations went something along the lines of this:

ME: "Hello?"

THEM: "Alo?"

ME: "You wanted to know about English lessons?"

THEM: "Alo?"

ME: "Queria informacaoes sobre as aulas de ingles?"

THEM: "Ah. Sim."

ME: "OK. So can we speak in Emglish?"

THEM: "Alo..?"

Never mind, we’ll think of something. Where did I put that plan 'B'…?

Lago Janauary

On 25th November Naice and I went off to explore Lago Janauary (which it is just sooo tempting to call “Lago January”, but one mustn’t must one?) Due to some communication problems (mine, I am assured), Naice thought we were going fishing, whereas I thought we were going just for the hell of it. After a minor argument in the boat, we left in, um, pensive mood. But all was well in the end, as we reached our destination (about 30km southeast, roughly where the Negro and Solimoes meet) and managed to navigate our way into the lake via a channel which my ecobatimetro told me was only 2ft deep.

Having explored a little, and then stopped at a flutuante for a cold beer, Naice phoned friends Charlie and Annick and we agreed to meet at another flutuante near our marina for lunch. The return trip was done in a little over 75 minutes in somewhat lively water, and a very pleasant lunch was had by all (although I had to eat fish as penance for the earlier misunderstanding. Ah well, better than humble pie, I guess).

The boat has thus done just under 40 hours already, and - touch wood - no problems so far. Long may it continue.

Office

Having completed the guts of the building work at the house, it fell to me to put up a website for the guesthouse. Over a dial-up line this was a tortuous process, taking some 3 weeks (and explaining some of my lack of blogging). It is now complete and I’m in the process of registering it with the search engines at the moment (if anyone knows a website who would be prepared to link to us I’d be very grateful…)

We have also converted the wee store room (it was used for raising puppies – poo-eee!) into a classroom for current and (I hope) future students. It will also serve as the administrative office for the guesthouse (sounds very grand, doesn’t it?). Flushed with the success of the surge protector we put in for the telephone (it’s lasted a month already), we splashed out on one of these new-fangled cordless phones, and today I managed to sort out the (hopelessly wrongly installed) wiring for same, and now we have two working phones. Gosh.

If it all sounds as if it’s going wonderfully well, I should point out that we have had some problems (air conditioner that wouldn’t fit in its hole, floor tiles that refused to clean up, huge holes in ceilings all over the place, a smashed window (as yet not fixed), to name but a few). But that’s all behind us now...

Fishing!

There have been several trips out in the Shamrock since my return. One was a fishing trip to the Rio Cuieiras with friend Luis, although in fact we didn’t make it all the way as the water was a bit rough and we didn’t fancy it much. Instead we stopped off at another igarape and spent 4 totally futile but very pleasant hours getting our lines tangled up, drinking Skol and making sandwiches with our bait. On the way back a thunderstorm was rolling in from the southeast, so we took shelter in another igarape and drank the last of the beer. The storm having passed, we took off into some of the most unpleasant conditions I have experienced so far. Fortunately, some nice chap in a much bigger boat went thundering past and we found that if we stuck 20 or 30 metres or so behind him, he sort of flattened out the waves quite a lot. So about twenty minutes of this later we were almost home. Marvellous.

Equipment

After a lot of consultation, deliberation, and perspiration, all the equipment for the Shamrock has been acquired and installed, to wit: 1 x 12v torch, rechargeable; 1 x torch,waterproof; 1 x first aid kit; 1 horn, electric; 1 x lifebuoy; 6 x lifejackets, 1 x net, lifejackets for the holding of; 1 x anchor, danforth type; 4 x fenders; 1 x water pump, electric; 1 x water pump, manual; 1 x GPS mount; 1 x cigarette lighter (a necessity, honest); 1 x fish finder; 1 x compass, mounted; 1 x whistle; 4 x instruction cards (how to navigate etc); 4 x flares…and lots of rope. Now the boat has to be registered with the port authorities and then I can claim to be on the water all legal, like (not that anyone gives a damn, but I thought I ought to make the effort being a gringo).

The only way is up (baby…)

Whilst it may sad to some, now that I have watched the river hit its peak and trough, I just had to graph it (Hilary will understand). So here it is (as usual, click to enlarge). However, time has moved on a bit, and in fact the current level is just over 19m, which means we still have lots of nice beaches and (alledgedly) some good fishing, but it’s a pain to get anywhere in the boat. I may not be able to provide further updates for a while as my source has dried up (take that any way you wish). I have written stern letters. Anyway, as our trip to Careiro was at 21m, there’s not much to go now before we have a lot more navegabil- um, -ousity-ness.

First things first

Okay, so I’ve been really bad at updating recently. What it boils down to is a) my wanting to include a photo or graphic with my posts and b) the practical difficulties involved in finding same and then posting them up. The net result is delays, frustration, other things happening and a creeping lethargy. So, what I’m going to do in future is try to ensure I post once a week, picture or not. It may be little, it may be pictureless, it may be boring…but I’ll try to keep doing it (after all, writer writes – hey, who said that?).

At last - news of the water levels!

Apologies to all of you who have written complaining about the lack of water-level updates. Fascinatingly, the levels have started rising already (as of 3 days ago), but I am assured by good friend Giancarlo Cavadini here that this is a false start – apparently they rise a little through to mid-November, then go down again, before the true rise begins. To put it all in context, those who were paying attention will have realised that the starting point (the highest level, on the 22nd June) was just over 28m amsl. The low-point reached 3 days ago was just short of 18m. You will also have grasped instantly that this is a flux of around 11m, and the effect is startling. I’ve added a couple of photos of the launch ramp at the marina here – normally these are completely covered by water. I’ll take photos from the same location when the water reaches its highest, for comparison. I can tell you now that taking your boat out at the moment can be a nerve-racking experience. Naice and I went out last Thursday and I had programmed-in what I thought was a safe route going upstream on the Negro, but even though we were a good 300-400m from the river bank, we were still pottering through just 5ft of water. We had to head out a good kilometre before we found the main (200ft+) channel.

It is odd looking directly across to the bank, then up through the trees to see the high-water mark, and some trees are completely covered by water for 6 – 7 months of the year. Anyway, for your edification and general delight, I can now inform you that yesterday’s precise level was 17.81m, and the low point (so far) was 17.74m (on Sunday 28th Ocotober). I was particularly nervous when we visited our local floating bar and the echo-sounder registered less than 3ft of water (although oddly enough after a couple of bottles of Skol with lunch I was somewhat more relaxed when we left).

Home again

On my (belated) return - via Caracas in the end (avoid Caracas unless you particularly like risking your health and possessions and sitting for hours in a dimly-lit, inadequately-serviced air terminal. I think they took the word “terminal” too much to heart, bless them) - I found that Naice had done a sterling job as director of works, and we now have a new electric gate, a new “chapeu de palha”, a new driveway, new furniture and a new toilet seat. Bloody marvellous. There’s still some considerable work to be done mind you, but we’ve definitely completed phase one, and are ready for our first guests – so just let us know when you’re coming, eh? Hopefully the pics here will give you a reasonable idea of what the place looks like now.

I have finally completed wiring the chapeu de palha up to the mains, and am incredibly proud of myself. It took some time, mind you. First of all I wired up all the lights in series (a bit like the old christmas tree lights), but I knew there was something wrong and I lost a lot of sleep over it for a couple of nights until it suddenly dawned on me that if one light blew none of the other ones would work (duh). So I re-did it all…and realised that actually we’d need a plug socket too. So I re-did it all again…and then Naice pointed out that it would be nice (ha ha) not to have one switch for all 5000 bulbs (OK, I exgaggerate), but to be able to switch different sets on independently. So I re-did it all again…and then thought that really what we MUST have is some accent spotlighting on the forest beyond. So I re-did it all and found that my original two-wire (live and neutral, right?) solution had spawned spaghetti of prodigious proportions. Anyway, I finally finished it all in the heat of the midday sun (mad dogs etc) today…and it all works! So, next time you want your house re-wired, just give me a call - I’m cheap (or so people keep telling me).

Naice has two English language students starting with her next week, and is suitably nervous about it (although I know she’ll be really good). This will be our first income, so it’s quite an event, really. If she could get another 20, it would secure my idle boating future! I must say that she did incredibly well, as a non-native speaker, to get the coveted Cambridge CELTA teaching qualification, and she’s going to be great – she just doesn’t know it yet. Anyway, for my part I’m placing an ad in the papers for the next 4 Sundays offering English conversation classes, so we’ll see what comes of that in due course…and of course we have guest facilities ready. I will be posting up the B&B website shortly and we’ll see what the demand is like for this.

Ozzie's constant battle with the Amazon insect population moved into a new phase when Naice got the exterminators in to deal with the tick problem. After applying whatever it is to everything inside and out, he seems to be a lot better, although he has broken out in spots on his back, presumably in relation to some of the flea-powder we were using. Anyway, he's just been clipped again, is in good form and having a ball.

Back online again

It has been a while, I know. This is principally because the Hotel Tropical has done something to its wireless internet connection so that I can’t access it any more. No doubt this isn’t aimed specifically at me, but I’m still taking it personally. We’ve had a few other comms problems since my return. First of all, we’re on our third telephone (and second laptop) as a result of lightning strikes. Not that lightning has struck the house or anything, but obviously the network (or part thereof) that we’re on, isn’t properly protected – so ANY lightning strike within, what, 10 miles? 20 miles? the whole of Brasil? sends a surge down our phone line and blows up whatever is on the end of it (telephone, computer, person etc). We now have a surge protector, although the telephone company’s advice is to unplug the phone when we’re not using it. So apparently we have to add clairvoyance to our list of “new skills we will need” in order to take any incoming calls at all. On top of this, our Brazilian mobiles were blocked from making or receiving international calls for some reason, and we have only just got this sorted out. And really, all in all, I just decided to take my ball home as far as communications was concerned. Anyway, I am now getting back to it, starting with the blog. More about what else has been happening in the next posts.

Curacao Airport

I have taken up temporary residence at Curacao airport, where my Dutch Antilles Express flight is delayed until 20:00 tonight. It is now 16:00. The airport is ok if you don't mind sitting around in plastic seats in the sweltering heat dribbling sweat into your coffee and your shoes.

I contacted Mike and Audrey again yesterday and together we sallied forth to discover hitherto unexplored Curacao. Well, the company may have been good, but the island was, by common consent, a bit disappointing. However I must exhort you all to spend extraordinary sums of money, time and effort to see the hopelessly inaptly-named Playa Grande and the piece-de-resistence, Watamola (although I'm sworn to secrecy regarding what this is, I'm afraid). We did get a nice meal in downtown Wilemstad on the way back, and a quick nightcap (for me, anyway) at Sarifundy's. For those of you thinking of visiting by yacht, please note the picture showing you the way in.

Today was pretty boring, although courtesy of the ubiquitous Discovery Channel, I have now found out how tyres are recycled, how telescopes work, what the SETI programme is doing, and why there is no such thing as free energy. Pity it was all in Spanish, and I fear I may have missed the finer points of quantum kinetics as a result. Muy bien.

I'm looking forward to getting to Caracas only because it's on the way home. To be more precise, I'm looking forward to getting to Caracas in time to get my onward Varig connection at 23:55. If all goes to plan I'll be in Manaus by 02:50 tomorrow. So you can look forward to some water-level updates pretty soon now...

Curacao III

Having got stuck here with nothing much to do, the saving grace has been meeting Michael and Audrey, who have their own yacht (the 38ft ‘Wind Shadow IV’. Boat in pic is similar Windshadow I, I think). Unlike most of the Bangor posers, however, they use it A LOT. To be more precise, they left Canada’s west coast 7 years ago, and have travelled (very roughly) via Hawaii, Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia, the Maldives, South Africa, and Brazil to get to the Carribbean. They are now sheltering here from the hurricane season before deciding whether they can be arsed completing the circumnavigation, which would mean going back to the Pacific via the Panama canal, or just heading off to the Mediterranean for a while before making their way back again towards the Indian Ocean, which is the bit they enjoyed most I think (that and New Zealand). It all rather puts our emigration in the shade, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I liked them as soon as I met them, and after a few shared beers, they seemed able to tolerate me too. The following day, they invited me on to the yacht for dinner, which was fantastic – peppered fillet steak, asparagus and mushrooms all cooked to perfection, and salad. Not only that, but I now know how a wind vane works. We said goodbye that night…

…and then the next day I had to phone them and tell them that actually I was still here. So yesterday we watched the South Africa v Argentina rugby together down at Sarifundy’s floating bar, and perhaps I will see them again today (although I’m a bit embarrassed to contact them yet again, as we have already said our final goodbyes twice). Although what they’ve told me and what I’ve seen has made me think ‘oo – I’d like one of those yacht things, too’, I think Naice and I will have to make Brazil work first! But we did agree that they would let me know where they are on October 14th 2008, and we will fly out to meet them. I did however say that if they end up in Belfast, the deal’s off – nothing against dear old Belfast, but while it might be fun to fly to the Maldives or the Med. for a week or so, I really couldn’t get quite as worked up about Norn Iron. Anyway Mike and Audrey, if you read this – thanks again for everything, and hope to see you in a year’s time!

Curacao II

It is now Monday lunchtime…and I’m still in Curacao – and will be until tomorrow evening. This is the result of TAF airlines cancelling (ceasing totally) the Curacao – Manaus flights. Naice found this out on Saturday when she contacted them to confirm the flight. So now I’m having to go Curacao – Caracas with Dutch Antilles Express (DAE) and catch a connection with Varig from Caracas to Manaus at 23:55 tomorrow night. As you might imagine, I am somewhat peeved about this, particularly as it has now cost me roughly an extra US$1400. Anyway, I’ve now booked and confirmed the flights, so all looks good for tomorrow.

Curacao

Here I am in Curacao. It’s Wednesday and the sun is shining on my wee beach-side apartment. Also the mosquitoes are out in force and driving me scatty. The flight here by KLM was excellent, possibly because it was a daytime flight (the LHR – SP run is always overnight) and at less than 10 hours is a good 1.5hrs shorter than the ones we’re used to. Getting out of the airport was a bit of a disaster, as all baggage is screened on the way out, even though you elect the “nothing to declare” channel. Doesn’t matter what nationality you are or how long you’re staying or how shifty you look – you have to have your bags screened. They’ll have to do something about this.

Anyway, Curacao, from what I can see, is typically Carribbean – why do anything if you don’t have to – and hot and sunny. It benefits from a pretty stiff (but warm) westerly sea breeze and I’m reliably informed isn’t affected by hurricanes. Good. I haven’t done anything yet (I’m feeling a bit lonely and missing Naice), except visit the local supermarket. As well as there being a lot of South American stuff in there, the service is as pathetic as it is in Brazil (although at least the checkout conveyor belts work, whereas they never do in Brazil – you have to push your stuff along yourself).

The local language (‘Papiamento’) is totally incomprehensible to any right-thinking person, but fortunately just about everyone also speaks Dutch and English - and a bit of Spanish to boot. My shopping for the week cost me US$75, which isn’t bad as this included 12 cans of Heineken, and will last me until Saturday (I hope).

The apartments – at Limestone Holiday – are basic but quite OK, and are air-conditioned, but the beach is tiny and lies at one end of a tidal lake (no sweeping vistas across the sea or anything). They are also at the East end of the island, which is residential, whereas most hotels are at the Western end, where the beaches are supposed to be much better. Never mind. It’s also quite expensive for what it is, so goodness knows how much they charge at t’other end.

I have started into the Ozzie book now, and will use this time to get at least 5 hours writing done each day between now and Saturday. I’m hoping this will get me over the critical hump where you just keep re-starting the book over and over again. I’ve also noticed that Ozzie has started his own dog blog, “The Dog’s Blogbits”, but he obviously doesn’t know I know, so let’s keep it between ourselves, shall we? Now I must go and do some more writing…

It's Sunday - it must be Scunthorpe

After being escorted to Belfast International airport in style by Victoria and Mike (I think they just wanted to make sure I got on the flight!), I was off to "the mainland" again. The flight to East Midlands was remarkable only in so far as we took off and arrived early, and I had a bank of 3 seats to myself, with extra legroom from sitting next to the emergency exit. Bliss. Dawn was there to pick me up and drive me the 80 miles back to Sunny Scunny, which I have to say is above and beyond the call of duty (although no doubt I'll never hear the end of it...). The weather (aargh - I'm talking about the weather) has been magnificent, Garry and Dawn's hospitality faultless as always, and in spite of missing those I've left behind (again), I've enjoyed my weekend very much. In fact after discovering Ice Cold Tetley's best bitter at the local pub, I did briefly consider just staying here forever, but once I sobered up I realised I'd miss Naice and Ozzie too much - so farewell Mr Tetley (well, let's just say au revoir, shall we?)

Tomorrow I will be last-minute-shopping for some socks and marmite, and buying some dollars ready for the off early on Tuesday morning.

Goodbye again

Here we go again. It feels like all I've done in the last 6 months is say goodbye. Apart from the rather sad reason for my visit, I have enjoyed my 3 weeks in sunny Bangor. As well as seeing a lot of people again - nearly all of whom it was a pleasure to catch up with - I've had the chance to get a few bits and pieces to take back with me (light bulbs, picture hooks and a kettle amongst them) and put on a bit of weight (must be the dairy products).

Unfortunately I didn't bring my camera with me on this trip, and so don't have much in the way of photos (I understand many of my readers just like looking at the pictures - shame on you), and it would be nice to post a few pics from some of the highlights of the trip (Hilary's leaving do, for example, if someone could e-mail me some?) And herewith a pic from my last night, which was great fun, spent in the company of my sister Victoria, cousin Michael "it's a disgrace" Downing, and old comrade Rabea Garari - all of whom I shall miss and expect to come out to visit us sometime. In fact I'm hoping quite a few people will come out to visit us sometime - after all, the guest house is nearing completion (pic), and it's only a hop skip and a jump to Manaus.

Anyway, thanks to all who have put up with me once again (especially Victoria and Mike). It has been good to chill out here (literally), and my Aunt seems to be as well as can be expected, so I can leave with a slightly lighter load than that with which I arrived (well, except for the kettle and the retractable clothes line). But now I must pack up and shove off to Scunthorpe, en route to sunnier climes. Poor friends Garry and Dawn will have to put up with me for a few days before I catch the early morning flight to Amsterdam, but I'll try to be on my best behaviour for them. More later.