If I was any sharper, I'd cut myself

My knife sharpening kit (SpyderCo, bought from Heinnie Haynes) arrived today. I reckon this could be a vital piece of kit for our future in Brazil. Now I just have to buy some knives (well, actually, I'm going to practice first with the wife's kitchen stuff - won't she be pleased? She's got all those weird kitchen knives (the only one I ever use is the small one - good for opening cans of paint and such like), and they're blunt as b-anything...)

Now, I've decided that when I'm out and about in my boat, fishin' and huntin' and such, what I'll need is a decent knife. I know this, because I've been there before you see - I have wielded a machete in the jungle - and I know what a man needs for survival deep under the canopy. And anyway I've watched what's-his-name, the Mr Bushcraft chap, and he has a knife, so I need one too.

So I started doing a bit of surfing. That was a month ago, and I only finished last weekend - have you seen how many knives there are out there? Have you any idea how complex the subject is among the knife cogniscenti? We have a sick society, you know. I mean, do you want stainless or high carbon steel? How hard do you want your blade? What shape would you like? Do want fixed or folded? How long would you like your blade? Your handle? Full tang, riveted, or straight-through? Blimey. Anyway, after simply hours - days - of research, I've decided that what I really need is not one, but three knives. And after further hours - days - of research, I've come up with a list. And after further hours of deliberation, I've actually ordered the first one.

My list is as follows: first of all, I obviously need a classic fixed-blade hunting knife. I've studied the words of the gurus and I reckon the closest one to the right spec. is the Cold Steel master hunter, which (strangely for me) is not a particularly high-priced knife. So that's been ordered. Now, equally obviously, I need a folder as a backup, so I'm going for the Doug Ritter RSK Mk 1, which was designed by Mr Ritter (Doug to us survivalists) precisely for the purpose. This is also not going to cost me a fortune, thankfully. And finally, I need one of those machetes. However, I reckon (given all my new found knowledge and experience gained from wading through the deepest darkest parts of the internet), that what would be better (and certainly would increase my credibility enormously with the locals) would be a Kukri. Yes -indeed you may gasp at the audacity of this fine idea. I haven't quite decided which one yet, but this Ka-bar one looks pretty good to me - what do you think?

Well, that's one of the main priorities sorted out anyway. Now, about those passports...